Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
