the only muscles i have these days is kegels
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
