Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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