I got chris browned last night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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