My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
