she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
