i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
