We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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