wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
