So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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