This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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