Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
