he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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