Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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