I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
