i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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