The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
