I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
