My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
