It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize