I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
