Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
