Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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