***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
