Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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