i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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