Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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