i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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