I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
