I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
