i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
