i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
