.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
