So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
