This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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