I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
