I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
