My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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