I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
