mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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