Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
