Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to make out with him forever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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