Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
