I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
