i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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