he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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