I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
