I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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