I hate all girls vehemently.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
