Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
