Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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