You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
