if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
