I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize