I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think i peed on brittanys purse
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
