she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i've created a new STD.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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