We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
