Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
pray to the hookup gods
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
